You are what you eat

Steel Cut oats almond milk organic strawberries chia and flax seed

GMO's (Genetically Modified Organisms) and other Chemicals in food cause brain plaque which leads to mood swings and memory loss. If you're feeling signs of depression, you might want to check your diet for GMO's. I also try to stay away from certain grocery store brands that rely on Monsanto for their ingredients, Monsanto is a conglomerate agricultural biotechnology corporation that uses heavy amounts of pesticides, chemicals and GMO's in their products, their primary platform would be corn, corn oil, and soybean oil which 85% of grocery store shelf products rely on. Here is a list of brands that rely on Monsanto to produce their products:

Grocery Store brands that rely on Monsanto

Because of these facts, I've altered mom's diet with mainly natural and organic foods. I'd say at least 90% of her diet is from real foods like protein and veggies. I also give mom Almond milk for calcium and organic bran/oatmeal because she's at a very low weight, and those complex carbs help her have a little meat on her bones as does brown rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes. I also cook using coconut oil and grape seed oil. (Look up the benefits).  
I'm not perfect, sometimes we eat fun junk food like nachos, cheeseburgers, but they come from my kitchen and I use grassfed beef because 1, it tastes better and 2, grassfed beef has a lot of health benefits with an increased source of iron plus the most important being it has no GMO's Benefits of Grassfed Beef .  Observe your diet, see what you eat the most of and buy the best. For example, if you eat chicken daily - buy organic chicken. If you eat salads daily, buy organic greens. Shop your local Farmer's Markets first. If you're reading this and you're from the valley, Mcallen, Brownsville, Mission, Weslaco and South Padre Island all have some sort of local growers/farmers markets. Call your local Chambers, and or libraries to find out where your local market is!

It can take years to cleanse your body and gut of the harmful toxins you've been ingesting over a long period of time. There are a lot of natural ways to cleanse your system, such as juicing organic greens/veggies/fruit, doing yoga, and drinking water daily.

I do yoga with mom 3 times a week, and after every session, she has energy and wants to continue moving so she usually sweeps the kitchen and house. No, none of these things I'm doing will heal my mom or any dementia patient, but it will give them longevity and clear their minds at times and most importantly give them energy! All movement helps their circulatory system; you don't want your parents sitting in bed all day with zero exercise, they will form blood clots and will lose all muscle. Mom has lost muscle, which is why she has dropped weight. There is only so much strength training she is able to do, so she will never get that muscle back; so sad. Mom used to be a marathon runner, and biker, also did triathlons - she was very very athletic and at her age developed "Runners Feet" and arthritis in her feet which can be painful for her at times, so even walking can tire her out!

it's important to provide quality of life to our aging parents whether they are sick or not, they are still alive and they still feel - it's up to us to care for them and make the rest of their lives as comfortable as we can. It can be a very stressful situation and like us, will have to sacrifice a lot of time, as mentioned before I resigned from work to care for and be with my mother full time because it takes 24 hours of real care and overseeing. I oversee mom 24 hours a day and care for her about 15 hours, and spend real daughter/mother time around 1 hour a day. Groom and shower her, read to her, clean her room and laundry, shop for her necessities, prepare all of her meals, I do it all with the help of my husband of course, but when mom's good and taken care of, I can then take time for myself and sit and read, swim or do yoga - go to a movie with my husband...anything. What good am I to my mom, family or myself if I don't take care of me? I mention this because changing the type of foods I've been preparing and eating has enabled me to drop 30 pounds. I don't follow any diet or exercise program, I just eat what I prepare and that includes steak, veggies, tacos, pancakes, salads - the thing is that it's all from my kitchen being made with real ingredients, no shortcuts! Also just daily exercise which is just yoga. I resigned in December 2012 and just a few days ago I weighed myself and saw that I've lost a total of 30 pounds. Imagine how much I can lose if I actually try to "lose weight". I think I'm too laxed for that though!

Good or Bad, I'm stuck with'er!

yoga and strength exercises with mamma

She has good days and bad days. I remember the bad days all too often because I dread them and don't want to deal with them.  It's hard on me because I go through it with her and there are no answers that satisfy her. it's a continuous circle of questions and accusations, it's just a continuous circle. I am more than familiar with mom's episodes, but each time I have to tell myself it's her disease, and like a continuous circle, I have to loop that phrase repeatedly so that mom can live a healthy, happy life and remember me as the calm centre of her mental chaos.
I can't believe that I am the thing that makes sense in her life...out of everything in this world, I am the one constant she has to rely on. Knowing this, I want to be as humorous and gentle as I can, but believe me, I'm also very honest and upfront with her; I can't sugar coat her life and I won't sugar coat mine.  It's the truth or nothing, I deal with things this way because we can only make a real reaction to something truthful...anything fictitious just slows me down - give me the truth or nothing.
So sometimes I end up telling it like it is, and mamma looks at me with her piercing eyes...sometimes with a true reaction, which is what I hope for from her!  Mom can scold me, yell at me, accuse me, but I don't care; (she never yells btw), but her disease makes her paranoid and constant accusations arise (poor mamma).  There are times when I take her words to heart, but learning more and more about the disease I have to remember that her brain is on constant struggle and in a way, she is making her own reality which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't involve her being fearful and anxious, but it does so I have to find ways to either go with it or deter her from her thoughts.  If it's something not so serious, I will go along with it because if I argue with her, she will end up even more confused since she REALLY BELIEVES the stories she's conjuring.  And this is when I take in a big deep breath and smile, and say mom, I love you...lets do some stretching!

And most of the time - it works.   Yoga has healthy neurological benefits; doing yoga releases harmful toxins in the body and releases serotonin which helps battle depression.

Today I gave to myself

Today I gave to myself.  Making pancakes has been a favorite breakfast pastime of mine as of recent.  I enjoy making different combinations of pancakes, they are all delicious and so fun to experiment with.  I enjoy cooking and what I love about it is the way a few simple ingredients can come together and make something so tasty! I prefer using fresh everything...the fresher, the better. I use real butter over margarine, I use coconut oil over vegetable oil, I use grassfed meats over regular meats, I use sea salt over Iodized table salt and I try to use local veggies, if not I opt for the organic store bought ones.  It's easier cooking using fresh, quality ingredients because if all else fails, put salt/pepper, cook, eat and it will be good!

Well, like I said...today I gave to myself.  I made pancakes for everyone, and spent time in my bedroom going through books, and picking 2 to read and finish.  I have a hard time sticking to one book, so I give myself 2 to read at a time.  Aside from reading, I lit candles, did some yoga and made fresh grape juice using organic locals - so cleansing!  Yoga, books, food, candles...oh my!  I feel relaxed, especially since it began pouring rain, blessed.

I had to give myself today because I've had a very tiresome week.  Mom has been ok, but caring for your parent is a mind game.  I wake her up, I fix her meals, I help her shower, I groom her, I do her laundry, I do everything for her as you would a child, as I did for mine, but caring for a child as a family unit with my husband vs. caring for my mother is a different thing because she's an adult who should be independent and self-sufficient, right? But it's not the case here, or with many others.  It's something out of my hands, I didn't ask for this, I didn't willingly volunteer, it was bestowed upon me by nature and I accepted because she's my mother and I love her. I can't go against nature.

I spent yesterday crying in the shower because the day kicked my ass.  Washing mom's hair, and shaving her legs...grooming her all together is a lot to take in. It's hard.  This situation is hard, and I cry, and I stop crying.  I listen to music and I do yoga, I read and cook, I love my family and spend time with them.  I do everything I can do to keep my mental clarity.  You see me, I look relaxed and at peace; I am, but I'm also coping just like anyone else.  I can't help if I have a positive outlook on things and don't get depressed; I just don't.  I'm not a depressed person, I'm quiet, but not sad.  I'm not sad, it's just hard.  It's the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with and live with.  If you see me, or run into me I probably won't ever looked depressed because I'm not depressed, I get the feeling some people want to see a "sad me" they want to see me in tears, or wallowing, they want to hear me complaining, but there's nothing to complain about; I'm happy!  I get myself through, my family gets me through because I love them and never want to live a life of "poor me". I don't need or want sympathy; it's my mom who's sick and not me.
I just need those who know me to understand that  sitting in a cafe or having lunch at the most delicious places sounds nice, but not priority, I no longer think about social events that involve trivial things.  My mind is not focused on trivial things, it is focused on sustaining my mother's health, my family's well being, and my sanity.  I don't have time for giggles and gossip because I'm busy living and the well being of my mother rests in my hands.  I know this is a lot to put on myself, but it's true...there is NO ONE else out there for her.

I can do this. It's almost been 3 years since mom has moved in, over a year since her diagnosis and 8 months since I resigned from my job.  I want to live a selfless life and learn from this experience, I want to grow as a humanitarian and always do for others.  Doing for others is fulfilling.

Trust me, I don't ignore myself, my needs, whatever...I've just come to a point in life where I realized that I don't need much to be happy and that helping people (even if it is MY mom) is self-gratifying.  I do what I can, I tell her that I need time too; I tell her that it's not all about her, I tell her to chill out and breathe when she feels anxious.  She has good days, bad days, and horrible days.  A REALLY good day is far and few in between, so I have to take her good moments and stop what I'm doing to enjoy the life left inside of her.

I can do this.

A breath of fresh air...

Mom is sitting on the far right, I'm on her left

On the 4th of July we spent a lot of time with various family members.  For lunch, one of my cousins and her family came over for a visit.  Mom recognized my cousin, but could not remember her name. (This is typical). Mom sat and had lunch with us, and chimed in when we talked. (I do my best to keep her in my conversations with others without going too off of the subject, it can get difficult).

After lunch and dessert, my cousin and I sat on the back porch to watch her daughter swim in the pool. We were outside for about half an hour before mom walked out, wanting to join us and sit with us.

Now, you might not see this as a big deal, but please know that my mom has NEVER once gone outside on her own, even when asked to sit out on the porch, mom usually shows disinterest and a little fear (She's been like this since about a year after her initial diagnosis).  I don't know what exactly triggered her wanting to join us, but she did and it was very nice sitting with her and enjoying her company in the cool breeze - it was nice knowing the sunshine was shinning on mom.

It's been a few days since July 4th, and I sit outside every single day - always inviting mom to come out for some fresh air...she hasn't accepted the invitation yet.  She may never want to sit outside on the porch with me ever again, I do not know and I can't force her to do certain things that scare her or make her uncomfortable, so that moment is an everlasting one that I will never forget. I'm happy that my husband even saw that moment as groundbreaking and took a picture from inside of our home to capture it.  I'll always treasure this photo and memory whether or not mom ever decides to join me outside on the porch again because I will know that during that moment, at that particular time mom felt no fear and possibly "normal".

Love you mom!  Always and forever!

EV