Bad days are what they are

Mom at work

We all have good days and bad days.  Your bad days might consist of running late for work, having a flat tire or forgetting to pay the water bill.  I've been there, been through worst too, as I'm sure a lot of you have as well.

A dementia patient has good and bad days, but their bad days differ from yours and mine.  As a caregiver, I experience all of my mother's bad days with her.  She is not aware she is having a bad day, but I am (as is my son and husband). Today is a bad day with mom and it actually started yesterday evening, but it has carried on to today.

Mom woke up peacefully as usual, but I never quite know if it's going to be a good or bad day based on her getting up to start the day.

I feel anxiety, I am not myself when mom is having a bad day because she clings to me, and I can't just leave her alone. I feel tired with a heavy heart when mom's days are bad because it means that my days are bad.  I did breathing exercises with mom to calm her, I massaged her shoulders, arms and legs with body lotion, but she's having a bad day so it doesn't help.  To her, it's just her reality and is neither good or bad.  I sit with her and ask her a series of questions, she answers them all, but not correctly.  Mom's voice isn't very clear, it's always muffled and she speaks so softly, it actually irritates me because I have trouble hearing her and need her to constantly repeat what she's saying, or get my ear directly up to her face in order to hear and understand what she's saying.  It's incoherent, but I still listen.  It makes no logical sense, but I still react to her.  I breathe a lot - I stop and close my eyes a lot.  I pray a lot.

Today she thinks she's in her old office working, she even found an old box full of various supplies like staplers and highlighters and pulled it out.  She has tried several times to "run errands" for the office, she also was looking for her purse to pay for lunch.  Mom's having a bad day and it's non-stop.  She told my husband she was at "Dewey Young's Office" today (her most recent job she held for over 20 years) she told me she was at sp{ Witzit, Ralston and Stiff, her first office job many many years ago  - I was about 8 years old.  She's sitting right beside me this moment asking me questions and I stop to answer them all.

Right now mom is carrying her purse around along with a book and her glasses and fidgeting with them. She's also hearing things.  It's a bad day, but she will go in and out of it.

The other day I received a private message from someone I know who regularly reads my blog, and whom I'm friends with on facebook.  I was a little protrude by the message, this person explained how they felt envious of my life and even used the word envious.  I don't understand how anyone can be envious of anyone's life and how can someone be envious of a person caring for their sick mother 24 hours a day, envious of me...my mother has dementia and I'm her caregiver.  This makes me sad and concerns me.  What kind of life does this person lead and do they know a single thing about what I go through?  I make the most of the troubled times because my troubled days are someones good days and I feel blessings every day, even on the bad days because I see life as a blessing and this gives me happiness.  In my blog I report the good and bad, the happy and sad, the reality of what we're going through whatever it may be.

This is my reality and the good will always outweigh the bad, and the prayers will always overcome any obstacles that come our way.  I'm a realist and the reality is that my mom needs caring for; it's that simple.  Don't be envious of anyone - that's a very negative trait.  Find your own happiness, your own strength and do something for yourself.

This is a part of life, caring for others and I will never ever be envious of anyone who does not act as their parent's, grandparent's, spouse' or child's caregiver - I will instead pray that they never have to.  Although rewarding, it's also quite a struggle living with a loved one who is being robbed of themselves.

Blessings.