In my previous blog I described an episode mom went through this past weekend. I know what brought it on...it was something simple, yet something I understand.
On Saturday afternoon, my sister was planning a birthday party for my niece and her friends; she was turning 13 so no more themed birthday parties with cousins and family - she's grown out of that. My sister called me last minute and invited my mom and I over to see my niece on this big day and it made me extremely happy! I wanted to see her smiling, laughing and having a good time with her friends, but didn't plan on staying long, just wanted to drop off her birthday card and give her a hug. After I got off the phone with my sister, I turned to mom and said come on mom, let's go!
She was confused - go where she asked. To Cari's house (my sister). It's your grand daughter's birthday, and we need to say happy birthday and take her a gift. Mom was confused and I rushed her...I pulled her hair into a ponytail, put a cardigan on her, put her shoes on, some body spray and we were out the door. She asked about 15 questions from my house to the car, and from our car to my sister's and my sis lives in my neighborhood. She didn't want to get off the car when we arrived and when we entered, there was music, and disco lights plus about 15 teenagers jumping around giggling. Mom felt confused and I had her sit, gave her some water, and some pizza. She ended up eating some chocolates while she was there. We didn't stay long, but this brought on an episode. I knew in the back darkness of my mind that mom might have trouble adjusting to us getting up and going just like that, but I felt it would be worth it to see my niece celebrating her birthday and thought mom would have fun, and realize that this was a good thing. Unfortunately, I was wrong...this triggered something in her brain.
Mom does not know she is having "episodes" because her reality is her reality. When we got home, she had a slew of questions for me. Asking why I took her, and where we were - she asked why did I leave and a lot of other concerns. It was evening by that time and she wouldn't let up. I tried calming her, but nothing worked - I started making dinner and I gave her her meds. Mom started pacing with wild energy, but wouldn't sit or lay down, so I let her do what she had to do. She was gathering things, piling things in her room, moving things around the house and looking through her old folders. Needless to say, she didn't go to bed until after midnight on Saturday and woke up during the middle of the night twice, and unfortunately was up at 7am on Sunday and was in the same strange mood, this time thinking she was at work. (As mentioned prior, I wrote about her episode in my previous blog topic). I was mentally and physically exhauted
There is no magic thing I can do to assist mom when she's having an "episode" because it's her reality. Imagine getting up early in the morning, taking a shower, putting on makeup, grabbing your things to go out the door and your husband, daughter, etc...is telling you that you can't leave, but you believe that you have a 9-5 Mon-Fri job. It's your reality and they aren't letting you leave. You wonder why aren't they letting you go, so you come up with reasons as to why you think they aren't letting you leave: you ask what day it is maybe, you think something is wrong and start being suspicious asking yourself why they aren't letting you leave so the you become more paranoid about the situation and instead of calming down, it gets worse. This is how a dementia patient feels when they are having an episode. Just make sure they are safe and not hurting themselves...go along with it as much as you can without being drastic about it. I will sit with mom and massage her shoulders, and do breathing exercises with some of her favorite music. Sometimes an episode will last a few minutes, sometimes an hour and sometimes an entire day or longer.
Monday morning mom woke up fine - her provider came over, showered her, fed her, did her laundry, mopped the floors, played games with her, and did stretches with her. I got to relax and for that I feel grateful. Sometimes our days vary and sometimes we have to take the good with the bad and use all our days as opportunities to tell the people we love that we appreciate them. Sometimes we just need to stop and breathe. I don't like taking life for granted and don't regret making the choice going to see my niece on her birthday. We can't miss important life engagements because mom might or might not experience an episode, thing is we need to learn from our mistakes and try to figure out what works and what doesn't. Because Dementia can be so unpredictable, it's difficult knowing, take precaution, but above all else don't sacrifice living life...ever.
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