Good or Bad, I'm stuck with'er!

yoga and strength exercises with mamma

She has good days and bad days. I remember the bad days all too often because I dread them and don't want to deal with them.  It's hard on me because I go through it with her and there are no answers that satisfy her. it's a continuous circle of questions and accusations, it's just a continuous circle. I am more than familiar with mom's episodes, but each time I have to tell myself it's her disease, and like a continuous circle, I have to loop that phrase repeatedly so that mom can live a healthy, happy life and remember me as the calm centre of her mental chaos.
I can't believe that I am the thing that makes sense in her life...out of everything in this world, I am the one constant she has to rely on. Knowing this, I want to be as humorous and gentle as I can, but believe me, I'm also very honest and upfront with her; I can't sugar coat her life and I won't sugar coat mine.  It's the truth or nothing, I deal with things this way because we can only make a real reaction to something truthful...anything fictitious just slows me down - give me the truth or nothing.
So sometimes I end up telling it like it is, and mamma looks at me with her piercing eyes...sometimes with a true reaction, which is what I hope for from her!  Mom can scold me, yell at me, accuse me, but I don't care; (she never yells btw), but her disease makes her paranoid and constant accusations arise (poor mamma).  There are times when I take her words to heart, but learning more and more about the disease I have to remember that her brain is on constant struggle and in a way, she is making her own reality which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't involve her being fearful and anxious, but it does so I have to find ways to either go with it or deter her from her thoughts.  If it's something not so serious, I will go along with it because if I argue with her, she will end up even more confused since she REALLY BELIEVES the stories she's conjuring.  And this is when I take in a big deep breath and smile, and say mom, I love you...lets do some stretching!

And most of the time - it works.   Yoga has healthy neurological benefits; doing yoga releases harmful toxins in the body and releases serotonin which helps battle depression.