The Peter Pan syndrome

Mom watching Peter Pan

Today I woke up early to run some errands and do some shopping so I fixed mom an easy breakfast of cereal, banana, yogurt and strawberries along with her meds.  My husband stayed home with mom while I was gone  and when I came back, he told me that my mom had been asking him about information and asked him if he had the information she needed.  He said no, I have none to share and she said ok, well I'll wait for the boss ( she might have been referring to me figuratively) but she could have actually thought that she was in a work setting waiting to get information from the "boss".  I think it was the latter, because when I got there mom approached me and asked me to share the files with the premiums with her...

Now, I've blogged about this before - mom often thinks she's at work and will look for files and ask questions about policies for certain people.  What do I do in situations like this?  I answer her questions, but I also try my best to reassure her that it has been taken care of and not to worry.  This works at times, others not.

When it doesn't work - when mom is not satisfied with my answers, I have to either ignore her and let her continue to pretend and act as if she is in a different place/time, or I can try to find ways to calm her so she's not moving and pacing around so much.  Dementia patients can (and mom in particular) have tremors and bad balance.  Plus mom also has a slight curve in her spine and arthritis in her feet, so when she's pacing back and forth it wears on her yet she doesn't stop until her "episode" as I call it gives out.

Today, I lead mom to the sofa with a lot of pillows to support her back, gave her some water and some fresh fruit...then I put on Peter Pan.  Growing up mom was big on singing us lullaby's nursery rhymes and she used to love cartoon and fantasy characters like Red Riding Hood, Pippi Longstocking, Raggedy Ann and others.  I know children's cartoons and stories have a calming effect on mom (and on me too).  So we sat down together and have been watching Disney movies all afternoon.

There is something about Peter Pan - he makes you feel young and encourages you to be forever young, an eternal child and it's a good feeling.  Watching Peter Pan and watching mom laugh and enjoy the movie has me thinking about her illness and her own syndrome...it has me reflecting.  I am her mother figure now, I play the part of her parent showing her and leading the way, I play the role of helping her and tucking her in at night, saying prayers with her and making her pancakes as a special breakfast. I'm the one to make doctor's and dentist appointments for mom and taking her to them. I play the role is saying a nursery rhyme to mom to see if she remembers them...I am that figure in her life.  She is regressing, not just because of her age, but because of her illness, it's inhibiting, much like the "Peter Pan Syndrome" can be inhibiting and hold you back, except for mom...no psychologist can ever help heal her mind to later live a "normal" life outside the Peter Pan Syndrome.

We might be watching  fun movies right now, but she is still going through her motions on the inside...I know nothing can stop it, it stops on it's own, but I can do my best to try and take her mind off of it.  When the movies are over, she can go back to thinking she's at work, or maybe...her "episode" will have passed.  You just don't know with these things, they take on their own life-force.

For now, we're ok and for now - growing up is not an option.