There's a "meme" floating around facebook that says something like "Cancer patients only have one wish and that's to kick cancer's butt" <--- I can't stress how much I hate that meme. It's insinuating that anything I wish for is inferior to what a cancer patient might wish. First off, a wish is a fictitious thing that only exist in fairy tales, Second, my mother who's suffering through Dementia can't even comprehend what a wish is and wouldn't know how to begin to make a wish to "kick Dementia's butt, however any wish for my mother would have to be a wish made by me", Third, there is no "kicking Dementia's butt" because there is absolutely no cure.
I have had family die from Cancer, I understand the pain it also brings, but my point is this: No one talks about the pain that Dementia and Alzheimer's brings; it's a silent disease, it's a scary disease that people don't understand. Your mind along with your body and all its functions are rapidly deteriorating to ultimately reach death. A person with Dementia is not going "crazy" because there is not enough brain function to cast them as "crazy". A person with dementia struggles to complete a sentence and never quite does, a person with dementia one day trusts you and the next, sees you as the enemy.
A person with Dementia needs to be told when to shower, change clothes, brush their teeth, eat their meals, and or needs all of these things done for them. Ultimately a person with Dementia may (and often do) forgets how to use a fork, forgets how to chew, forgets how to properly use the bathroom. I hate talking about these things because it hurts and scares me. I don't think this if fitting conversation. Nothing about a Dementia patient is fitting conversation because it's depressing seeing and knowing that a family member, my own mom is going through these things! Yet when someone asks "how's your mom" wtf am I supposed to say?
Do you really truly care to know how my mom is...then shut up and Google Dementia because I don't think you really want to hear this at a grocery store, while you're eating birthday cake at a party, or via text. You don't want to know because it's too awkward for you and in my opinion is one of the shittiest, rudest questions to ask me, or any caregiver because you are forcing me to talk about a very sensitive matter in a public situation surrounded by people I may or may not even know. You ask how my mom is, I just give you my go-to answer: She's ok, every day is a different day". Don't get me wrong, I don't mind explaining to people what Dementia is, but you have to realize, although my life revolves around my mother's well-being, doesn't mean that it's always a good topic of conversation for me to just jump into at any point just because you asked me.
Of course I'm not referring to everyone when I say this, I do have a couple of very close friends who I share things with and well, my brothers and sister too, but I want the fair-weathered friend to stfu if they see me in public. I'm not trying to be rude here, but you have to see the awkwardness in this situation and you have to realize that if I'm actually out of my house in public, it's a break for me being away from my duties as a caregiver and maybe I don't want to discuss this with you.
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