What's mine is yours...

Here's mom on a good day! Peace!

Moving mom in was an easy decision; I mentioned it to my husband and we talked it over, within hours my mother was moved into our home and a part of my family.  Mom left my dad about 20 years ago and got remarried, her husband left her and so she was living alone at the time; mom had just lost her job and was being sued through a local business she ventured into so needless to say, her life was turned upside down which lead to the deep depression and anxiety.  I had never seen mom depressed or anyone with anxiety levels that high; we all talked about how she just needed time to heal and come out of depression, but deep down inside (as I previously mentioned in another blog post) I knew my mother had dementia.

Mom felt unwelcome in my home for about a 6 months, it was so f&*#ing frustrating to me because we did all we could to make her comfortable, we had just turned our extra room into an entertainment room, but rearranged things to make it mom's room now that she had moved in. Mom would continually ask my permission to do things...Can I put more clothes in my closet, can I use the bathroom, is it ok if I get water?  Yes yes and yes!!! Finally, my husband and I sat down with her and told her that she was a part of our family now.  Our house is your home; what's mine is yours.

My husband  and son have been life-savers through this entire process;  they are a big help and very respectful towards mom and her condition. When new people come over to visit, including my son's friends we have to inform them on mom's condition.  "Sometimes mom will just approach you and say something out of the blue", "Sometimes mom might look at you as if you're the enemy because she doesn't know who you are or why you are here", "Mom has a disease, she's sick and her mind is affected"  We say all those things and more.  They are all true, but there are times where I don't want to get into full detail because people aren't familiar with this disease and as much as it scares them, it hurts me just as much.

 What I don't tell them is "Mom is thinking you are here to take her away, Mom is looking at you like that because she thinks you want to kill her, Mom can't answer back because her mind is deteriorating and right now her brain is trying to put a million pieces to a puzzle together, and is searching for words that make sense...sometimes they don't, so it will come out as babble".   Those things are also true.

We always want mom to feel comfortable as if this is her own home and thankfully it's gotten to that, but she has her days!

Like I told mom...what's mine is yours, but not until recently have I also realized that what's hers is also mine.  I've inherited her struggles and her lack of being able to start, and or finish daily tasks.  I've inherited her anxiety in some situations, and the grief.  As a healthy person sound in mind and body, I've looked for ways to separate those things from my life to view them as responsibilities instead of anxieties.  It's a work in progress and again...stressing how much support I have from my husband and son makes me an all together happy person trying to do good in this world by participating in life's inevitable cycle by embracing the challenges that lie ahead.