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Checking in while mom checks out

Momma with some of her grand-babies on Thanksgiving!

I haven't written a blog in a while because I've been busy with my family - my husband and son were home during the holidays so needless to say, I had a lot of extra help which made things more pleasant.  We had a really nice holiday - I hosted Thanksgiving so I had all of my family over, mom loved it, but she mainly loved the food and desserts (not even joking lol).  Mom's provider is still coming on a regular basis, 5 days a week, 4 hours a day which is a big help; we are so grateful for her!

Another reason why I haven't blogged is because it's difficult for me to express my emotions, I know sometimes as you're reading it seems effortless, but it really does take a lot out of me emotionally to express some of the day to day things I go through as my mom's caregiver.  This task isn't an easy one, but almost this exact time last year is the time where I resigned from my position at work to stay home and care for mom full time.

Mom has been living with us for 3 years, but this past year is the year I have completely dedicated my time and energy assisting her.  Mom has Vascular Dementia as many of you already know and there are good and bad days.  There are ups and downs, highs and lows, but it seems where there are lows, they are pretty deep and it's tough reaching for sun rays when you're buried deep into an unknown chasm...yet possible. I know this, I know anything is possible and that is the sort of thing that keeps me going, I don't have to constantly tell myself I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I do need that reassurance from myself and from the people around me. I know mom is better off here in our hands, but it's rare for her to know and realize that 1. she's sick 2. she's living with us because she needs caring for.  I'm not sure if she's oblivious to it, or she'd rather not face it.  Must be hard for her to know she's in a mental state she can't leave...almost like jail in a way, I don't want her feeling like that, but because of this disease it's inevitable at times.

Speaking of jail...
This week there were a couple days where mom did not know where she was. Handling situations like this is very difficult, but more overly it's acting as if nothing wrong or different is going on, I can't respond to her vision of what is real, I just have to keep on living my own reality.  You have to realize that this puts a strain on my sanity because I'm balancing mom's reality and my own reality.  In mom's reality she was a prisoner being held against her will and I wasn't her daughter - in my reality, I'm cooking dinner for my family, doing laundry and daily day to day duties...I'm acknowledging her without playing too deep into her mental state and I'm also drawing a line between her episodes and what is real.

Today hasn't been that much better, she keeps approaching me looking for an argument, even calling me stupid.  I made mom a big breakfast hoping to take her mind off things (temporary fix). She continued her argumentative stance insisting that I'm planning on dropping her off in the woods, thankfully she went down for a nap - that brain needs some rest.

This is my life and I choose to continue facing it because it's my life and the good outweighs the bad

Mom's Birthday - happy bday!

 

Happy Birthday Mom!

Since the day we found out you had Vascular Dementia, our lives have forever changed, but our love for you has only grown stronger.

Enjoy your day - I know you will! 

Oh just another day or days

It began Sunday, and not until 8pm last night did I finally feel a sense of temporary relief.

Mom began another episode on Sunday morning and would not stop pacing, constantly misplacing things, and looking for things that did not exist.  She would not stop asking me the same questions, and I could not catch a break.  I already know by now that there is NOTHING I can do to calm her because although I knew that, I still tried and again...nothing worked so I decided to stop wasting my energy and just went about my day with mom asking me random questions over and over again, and me trying to find an answer that would satisfy her.

Cell phone, out of purse.
TV remote into purse.
Glass of water from kitchen
pacing
No nap
Cell phone, back in purse.
pacing
Picture frames into purse.
Another glass of water from kitchen.
pacing

Repeat....
non-stop repetition.

No sleep - in bed by 1 am, gets up at 2 am, 3 am, and 5 am

Monday morning - I'm exhausted, but the provider is here so I don't deal with mom.  I leave the house and have breakfast then home by 1pm to relieve the provider.

SAME actions, still no nap.  At least mom has eaten quite a bit - whatever I serve her and everything on her plate, so no major complaints.

8 pm comes along, and something I said triggered mom, I ask her to get into bed and she does, and I sit by her side, say prayers with her eyes closed, and she falls asleep.

Today, Tuesday - Mom exhausted as expected, but still gave provider instructions to get her up early for breakfast, shower and yoga - she took a nap and was waken up to have lunch and play Chalupa.

I on the other hand am enjoying my day on the sofa watching movies.

Et al

This was hard for me, but it has to be said

Mom, a few hours before her episode

Mom says "Why do you do these things, Evana"

And I already know what kind of day we're going to have.  You all reading this have no idea where I'm going and what I'm talking about and can't even begin to imagine the impossible ways I will fail to explain what this feels like, but I will try anyway.  I want people to know how it is to live with someone with a declining disorder and brain disease such as Dementia and Alzheimer's.  It's not a disease of "forgetfulness" or "memory loss" although those symptoms are predominant, it still reaches a much deeper level than "Where did I leave my purse"?

Mom says "Why do you do these things, Evana"
And to be honest, I don't even want to deal with her.  I don't want to answer her because my answer is nothing to her, it means nothing, she probably hears nothing and she will continue to glare at me with a wicked facial expression until her episode passes.

I want to close the door on my mother, I want to shut her out, I want to scream, or tell her to leave me alone.  But what I need to do is remain calm and try hard to change her train of thought, but instead I want to hear her say those words...as much as they hurt and anger me, I want to hear what I know she is about to say so I ask..."Do what things"

KILL PEOPLE she says.  Why do you want to murder me and leave me in a ditch, she asks.

Me:  I don't
Mom:  Yes you do, I know what you're planning
Me: I'm planning to make us lunch and maybe watch a movie
Mom: No you're not; you want to kill and murder me
Me: Mom, no I don't...you don't know what you're saying, I'm just here trying to relax and read a book
Mom:  That's funny, I know what you're up to with your son, you want to kill me.  I can't believe you do these things.

At this point of the conversation there is NOTHING absolutely nothing I can do to tell my mother that I do not want to kill her and that she is safe. This is her reality and I can't explain it, in fact...a lot of people can't explain it including doctor's - not sure they want to understand it, but they do want to medicate her as a solution.  This disease is far beyond being medicated; there is no cure.

My day can go from moderately calm to complete hell and confusion from one moment to another depending on my mother who has no control and whom I, also have no control no matter what I do.

I can sit and sing lulabyes, read a story to her, play a game with her, take her for a walk, give her some chocolate to distract her, plead with her that she is having an "episode" and it's a part of her sickness, but she probably doesn't even know she is "sick" and when she hears me say anything about her being "sick" or needing taken care of - she might spiral even further into that unknown world where her mind sometimes lives.

When mom has these episodes, I have always tried my hardest to respond without hurting her feelings, but a lightbulb went off the other day during one of her episodes...I try hard to say the right things, and think of her emotions when all the while...she is emotionLESS, so nothing I say or do will ever comfort her - she is stoic, like brick.  No emotions, just a fake fake episode, but to her VERY real.  This isn't reality, but to her it is and she has no real life emotions during these times - but I DO.  So when things like this happen, her episodes...I have to think of myself...become emotionLESS just like her - become like brick.  I have to take her by the arm, sit her on her bed, give her a glass of water, put music on and say "Time for a nap", leave her room, then go back to my space and recollect in my own way.  During her episodes, I have to pretend I'm a nurse or doctor, I have to look at her with a stern stare and say...come over here Emma, sit and relax and end it there without reacting emotionally.

She is my mom - me detaching myself from her horrible episodes is tough because everything our mom's say to us affects us...sick, diseased, healthy, loving, hateful...does not matter - they are our moms and everything that comes from their mouths does affect us.  It makes my mind feel like an empty chasm of nothingness.

This is a day in the life of a full time caregiver taking care of her mom.  I will not let a disease get the best of me.

On Mom's weekend episode...

In my previous blog I described an episode mom went through this past weekend.  I know what brought it on...it was something simple, yet something I understand.

On Saturday afternoon, my sister was planning a birthday party for my niece and her friends; she was turning 13 so no more themed birthday parties with cousins and family - she's grown out of that.  My sister called me last minute and invited my mom and I over to see my niece on this big day and it made me extremely happy!  I wanted to see her smiling, laughing and having a good time with her friends, but didn't plan on staying long, just wanted to drop off her birthday card and give her a hug.  After I got off the phone with my sister, I turned to mom and said come on mom, let's go!

She was confused - go where she asked.  To Cari's house (my sister).  It's your grand daughter's birthday, and we need to say happy birthday and take her a gift.  Mom was confused and I rushed her...I pulled her hair into a ponytail, put a cardigan on her, put her shoes on, some body spray and we were out the door.  She asked about 15 questions from my house to the car, and from our car to my sister's and my sis lives in my neighborhood.  She didn't want to get off the car when we arrived and when we entered, there was music, and disco lights plus about 15 teenagers jumping around giggling.  Mom felt confused and I had her sit, gave her some water, and some pizza.  She ended up eating some chocolates while she was there.  We didn't stay long, but this brought on an episode.  I knew in the back darkness of my mind that mom might have trouble adjusting to us getting up and going just like that, but I felt it would be worth it to see my niece celebrating her birthday and thought mom would have fun, and realize that this was a good thing.  Unfortunately, I was wrong...this triggered something in her brain.

Mom does not know she is having "episodes" because her reality is her reality.  When we got home, she had a slew of questions for me. Asking why I took her, and where we were - she asked why did I leave and a lot of other concerns.  It was evening by that time and she wouldn't let up.  I tried calming her, but nothing worked - I started making dinner and I gave her her meds. Mom started pacing with wild energy, but wouldn't sit or lay down, so I let her do what she had to do.  She was gathering things, piling things in her room, moving things around the house and looking through her old folders.  Needless to say, she didn't go to bed until after midnight on Saturday and woke up during the middle of the night twice, and unfortunately was up at 7am on Sunday and was in the same strange mood, this time thinking she was at work. (As mentioned prior, I wrote about her episode in my previous blog topic). I was mentally and physically exhauted

There is no magic thing I can do to assist mom when she's having an "episode"  because it's her reality. Imagine getting up early in the morning, taking a shower, putting on makeup, grabbing your things to go out the door and your husband, daughter, etc...is telling you that you can't leave, but you believe that you have a 9-5 Mon-Fri job. It's your reality and they aren't letting you leave. You wonder why aren't they letting you go, so you come up with reasons as to why you think they aren't letting you leave: you ask what day it is maybe, you think something is wrong and start being suspicious asking yourself why they aren't letting you leave so the you become more paranoid about the situation and instead of calming down, it gets worse.   This is how a dementia patient feels when they are having an episode. Just make sure they are safe and not hurting themselves...go along with it as much as you can without being drastic about it. I will sit with mom and massage her shoulders, and do breathing exercises with some of her favorite music.  Sometimes an episode will last a few minutes, sometimes an hour and sometimes an entire day or longer.  

Monday morning mom woke up fine - her provider came over, showered her, fed her, did her laundry, mopped the floors, played games with her, and did stretches with her.  I got to relax and for that I feel grateful.  Sometimes our days vary and sometimes we have to take the good with the bad and use all our days as opportunities to tell the people we love that we appreciate them.  Sometimes we just need to stop and breathe.  I don't like taking life for granted and don't regret making the choice going to see my niece on her birthday.  We can't miss important life engagements because mom might or might not experience an episode, thing is we need to learn from our mistakes and try to figure out what works and what doesn't.  Because Dementia can be so unpredictable, it's difficult knowing,  take precaution, but above all else don't sacrifice living life...ever.

Bad days are what they are

Mom at work

We all have good days and bad days.  Your bad days might consist of running late for work, having a flat tire or forgetting to pay the water bill.  I've been there, been through worst too, as I'm sure a lot of you have as well.

A dementia patient has good and bad days, but their bad days differ from yours and mine.  As a caregiver, I experience all of my mother's bad days with her.  She is not aware she is having a bad day, but I am (as is my son and husband). Today is a bad day with mom and it actually started yesterday evening, but it has carried on to today.

Mom woke up peacefully as usual, but I never quite know if it's going to be a good or bad day based on her getting up to start the day.

I feel anxiety, I am not myself when mom is having a bad day because she clings to me, and I can't just leave her alone. I feel tired with a heavy heart when mom's days are bad because it means that my days are bad.  I did breathing exercises with mom to calm her, I massaged her shoulders, arms and legs with body lotion, but she's having a bad day so it doesn't help.  To her, it's just her reality and is neither good or bad.  I sit with her and ask her a series of questions, she answers them all, but not correctly.  Mom's voice isn't very clear, it's always muffled and she speaks so softly, it actually irritates me because I have trouble hearing her and need her to constantly repeat what she's saying, or get my ear directly up to her face in order to hear and understand what she's saying.  It's incoherent, but I still listen.  It makes no logical sense, but I still react to her.  I breathe a lot - I stop and close my eyes a lot.  I pray a lot.

Today she thinks she's in her old office working, she even found an old box full of various supplies like staplers and highlighters and pulled it out.  She has tried several times to "run errands" for the office, she also was looking for her purse to pay for lunch.  Mom's having a bad day and it's non-stop.  She told my husband she was at "Dewey Young's Office" today (her most recent job she held for over 20 years) she told me she was at sp{ Witzit, Ralston and Stiff, her first office job many many years ago  - I was about 8 years old.  She's sitting right beside me this moment asking me questions and I stop to answer them all.

Right now mom is carrying her purse around along with a book and her glasses and fidgeting with them. She's also hearing things.  It's a bad day, but she will go in and out of it.

The other day I received a private message from someone I know who regularly reads my blog, and whom I'm friends with on facebook.  I was a little protrude by the message, this person explained how they felt envious of my life and even used the word envious.  I don't understand how anyone can be envious of anyone's life and how can someone be envious of a person caring for their sick mother 24 hours a day, envious of me...my mother has dementia and I'm her caregiver.  This makes me sad and concerns me.  What kind of life does this person lead and do they know a single thing about what I go through?  I make the most of the troubled times because my troubled days are someones good days and I feel blessings every day, even on the bad days because I see life as a blessing and this gives me happiness.  In my blog I report the good and bad, the happy and sad, the reality of what we're going through whatever it may be.

This is my reality and the good will always outweigh the bad, and the prayers will always overcome any obstacles that come our way.  I'm a realist and the reality is that my mom needs caring for; it's that simple.  Don't be envious of anyone - that's a very negative trait.  Find your own happiness, your own strength and do something for yourself.

This is a part of life, caring for others and I will never ever be envious of anyone who does not act as their parent's, grandparent's, spouse' or child's caregiver - I will instead pray that they never have to.  Although rewarding, it's also quite a struggle living with a loved one who is being robbed of themselves.

Blessings.

A poem

Untitled by: Evana Vleck

Image by artist Salvador Dali

A time where everyday is an old memory forgotten,
A time where the young girl talks about picking cotton...
The days were hot she says, fingers bleed.

A night nourished by the twinkling stars with her sister,
Laughing, pointing their tiny digits to the sky, she can't resist her...as the cool breeze tangles their curly hair into a whirl-wind of infinite memories, time stops.

Yesterday was a time that didn't last.  Today was a day that passed by too fast. tick tick tick, and her hands tremble.

tick
tick...
tick

and her head turns to dust, wiped away to live another decade in salty sea-breeze and her father's musk.

There's a difference between Dementia and Alzheimer's:

Please help spread awareness!

September is Alzheimer's and Dementia Awareness Month so I decided to share something I learned this past weekend about these 2 types of "memory loss" diseases. (I placed that in quotations because it's much more than that).   I do a lot of reading in my spare time because I want to be prepared and knowledgeable on the types of things my mother is going through on a day to day, sometimes even hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second basis.  I'm serious; one second my mother will know where she is, the very next she might have forgotten.  This disease is that powerful.  As you read this, please put yourself in the place of someone who suffers with this chronic disease.  I read anything from pamphlets given to me by friends and doctors, books that are recommended to me, websites that I come across, personal blogs, etc.  There is a world of information out there readily available for anyone wishing to learn more about Dementia and Alzheimer's and with that said, I personally welcome any and all information from those willing to share with me.  

As long as my mother has been living with me (for about 3 years now), I've heard these two things grouped together: Dementia and Alzheimer's.  Well, when I ask people about the differences between the 2, they don't ever have a clear explanation, I'm talking about doctor's as well.  One doctor told me that Dementia was not a specific disease. It's an umbrella term that explains a wide range of symptoms.  

I've never quite understood what that meant until recently when I was doing some online research on the subject of "The differences between Alzheimer's and Dementia).  The first thing I noticed is when on my phone, I'd try to type out "Alzheimers" but it would constantly correct it to "Alzheimer's" with an apostrophe.  I just learned that this is because Alzheimer's belongs to a specific group that is Dementia.  Alzheimer's is a TYPE of Dementia.  My mother suffers from VASCULAR Dementia, so there are different types of Dementia (which I did know) however did not know that Alzheimer's fell under that same "umbrella".  What is Dementia To see what Dementia is CLICK HERE . 

What is the difference between Alzheimer's and Dementia To better understand the difference between Alzheimer's and Dementia CLICK HERE .

There is no better way to recognize Alzheimer's and Dementia Month by learning more about the disease and spreading awareness, I hope this was helpful to you as it was for me.  Thank you for your readership and support - please comment, and or continue to share my blog with others, in doing so you are helping spread awareness!

Sharing your story

I have been fortunate enough to have people reach out to me and share their personal stories of their parents/grandparents struggles with Dementia and Alzheimer's (which is a type of dementia...my mother has Vascular Dementia, I will cover the explanation in tomorrow's blog). A lot of these people are people I've never met, but some are people I know and their stories are so sad because some of these people have acted as caregivers and expressed the loneliness and hardships of caring for a loved one over a period of time, one person even expressed that while caring for her grandmother, she was being judged and ridiculed by her own family!  

I'd hate to think that anyone could even begin to think they could fight this battle alone...it takes an army of support, and as much people are out there willing to support you, there are some out there who actually wish the worst for you...I don't get that sick mentality, but stay strong. Don't let anyone's opinion shake you. Keep going. No one knows your struggles; it's ok to openly talk about them because somewhere out there, someone is listening. We might be born into this world alone, and leave it alone, but we don't have to live it alone. This goes for all struggles.

People have different ways of coping with pain, as a caregiver to my mother I've learned to cope with pain by becoming knowledgeable on the disease which she suffers from,  Vascular Dementia CLICK HERE to know more about the disease.  

Reaching out has also helped me know and realize that I was and am not alone on this journey.  Statistics show that there are approximately 5.4 billion people living in the US with Alzheimer's Disease and that 87% of those people live at home or with family members and almost 15 million American's are unpaid caregivers, I fall under that category, I am a statistic, but I am not alone!

When I receive a message or an email from someone sharing their stories with me, I can't help but to cry because I know it took a lot of courage for them to reach out and share their story with me.  The important this is knowing we are not alone, and talking about our struggles is a tool for survival.  Thank you to those of you who regularly read and share my blog, also thanks to the new visitors and especially those who have shared your stories with me, because just like you...I just want to understand this disease and get through another day with a smile on my face.

Things might be ok

Mom and her coffee

Sometimes when I'm home with mom I think things are ok because she has no complaints, is eating her food, is doing her stretches, taking her naps, etc...but in hind-site, they really aren't as ok as I'd like them to be.  Yes, she's doing everything she's supposed to be doing but for instance, this happened this morning:  I did yoga with mom, made her breakfast, gave her meds and helped her fold laundry.  Mom was in her room while I went out back to water the plants and sit by the pool with the dogs.  When I came back inside I went to check on mom and on the outside, all appeared fine, but when I asked her if she was ok I realized that she wasn't really "ok".  Mom said "I'm awake and ready to eat breakfast".  Instead of telling mom I already fed her breakfast, I got her a small piece of cake I baked with a glass of almond milk, I've learned to not let dementia patients know they are wrong, instead we have to either go with their reality (if it's harmless to them) or change the subject so they are focused on something else.  In this case, I went with her reality and she really enjoyed that small piece of cake!

My point is this: we only know what we ask and want to know.  For my "happiness", it would have been better if I left mom in her room watching her show, but for my knowledge, I have to know these things.  I have to know and realize that mom forgets things, and not just little things, but major things and will keep forgetting them and eventually will have a deteriorated memory where she won't be able to recognize our names/faces.  Ignorance may be bliss, but I still chose to know the reality of a situation.

I have to face these things, however I really do prefer to live life day to day and not "worry" about the future. I don't think I'd be able to care for mom full time if I was constantly worrying, making myself sad/depressed. I am aware that I will soon have to face these moments with mom and family, however for my well-being I chose to live life in the present and face daily struggles rather than long-term events that may, or may not necessarily occur in a fashion in which my mind is imagining - I can't foretell the future

Don't tear me down

Having a day out with mom

When you chose to give up a part of your life so another can simply live, you see yourself differently.  For example, I look at myself and reflect daily when I wake mom up to rub her neck, or massage her shoulders because her scoliosis sometimes leaves her a bit immobile and stiff.  I reflect as I'm reading the side effects of my mom's medications, and researching Dementia and its affects on family while online.  I often pause when I'm bathing my own mother, or cutting up her french toast.  When I'm exercising with mom, I take a moment and say I am grateful.  I see myself differently.  She's not my child...she's my mother.  She's not my "responsibility" I chose to make it that way and see it that way, so it's a choice I am living with, making the most of and seeing the good in.

I never thought I'd be doing this after my son turned 18 because in hindsight, he is our only child and him turning 18, graduating high school I felt that we did our jobs as parents raising him and would now be there to support him during his adulthood.

Well, things happen and according to life, I am not done caring for another life.  This is brand new to me, as it is for most caregivers - it's a wake up call, the biggest reality check known to man, a slap in the face to wake up and live life with your eyes wide open.  Having this responsibility on myself and my family has definitely made me a stronger person and has given me self confidence because I have to remain confident in caring for mom.  I have to believe in myself and know I'm making the right choices in life, that I'm making a good decision for my family and I.  With all that on my shoulders, there are still people out there wanting me to fail and crumble, but it's just not in my nature to break down and lose it.  The harder you throw the ball at me, the more eloquent way I'll figure out a way to catch it without getting hurt.

Some people feel they are better than others because of their thoughts, beliefs and actions and show that by judging others although they claim they are just trying to help. If it was out of help and concern, why would I end up feeling horrible afterwards?  Helping one another should leave a good trusting feeling.

In my life,  I haven't felt that I was better than anyone, but always did things to measure myself to those who felt they were better than me.  As a grown woman with a family and responsibilities, I have learned that no one knows another's life and that as people, we need to be here to support one another instead of intentionally trying to find ways to tear one another apart. I have also learned that the only person I need to measure up to, is the person I promised myself I would be to my family.  I'm still working on it and whomever or whatever you feel I should be makes absolutely no difference to me; I'm just trying to get through life being me and taking care of my responsibilities the only way I know.  This is what I know, and I if you wish to judge me; please continue to do so silently as a coward would.

I am not a hero or a saint - I'm a humanitarian lending a helping hand - I keep a blog as a part of my healing process and as a way to cope.  This blog believe it or not, helps brings awareness to my mom's disease and it's written through MY perspective much like a diary.  I try to quote citations and articles as much as I can to back up what we experience in my home as caregivers and what mom goes through as having Dementia.  Take it with a grain of salt - it's not meant to offend anyone, but I will not censor my healing process; this is one of the only ways of me expressing myself.

Thanks for reading - it's greatly appreciated.  Please share thoughts!

A Vacation.

A family photo taken at a record shop in New Orleans in the French Quarter

So we took a vacation.  I was nervous thinking we wouldn't be able to.  I had to pack for mom, get her to doctor visits so she'd have enough prescription meds, had to find someone to house-sit our pets, find someone to care for mom, etc...Well, thanks to family and friends we were able to make it come together.  Our son just turned 18 so it was important for my husband and I to give him a vacation.  For the past 3 years, Mom has suffered from Dementia and has been living with my family and I.  We've cared for her, and have taken over all of her responsibilities. As some of you know,  I quit my job in December, 2012 to care for her full time.  This past year has been difficult as her health has declined.  It's tough, but with my husband by my side, it has been easier - his support and help with mom is in-measurable.  Well, all that said, we traveled over 25,000 miles in 2-weeks and visited some places we've never been as a family.  I was excited to visit New Orleans the most!  We got to also visit with friends and family throughout our trip, which was important to me since I don't get out of the house much, I need to socialize; it's been weird since I've left my job - I'm almost a hermit! I know that's not healthy, but my work here at home never seems to be done from bathing and feeding mom, to exercise and laundry, grocery shopping, preparing meals, etc...it's a lot of daily tasks and in no way can mom be left alone.  I try and take mom out of the house once a week, but more than that really drains me!  It's so hard getting her ready and she has a fear of stores and being picked up by police (part of the disease) and it's difficult calming her down, so a trip out on the town can turn into a stressful event for us both.  Of course I give myself days off where I do nothing but the usual type of things, and make sure I relax, relax, relax!  I worked in the 9-5 world for 15 years, and don't really miss it because I have found my life is drama-free  now and much more pleasant...no negativity, and that's especially important!   

Our vacation was much needed for us all, I was worried at first leaving mom for 2 whole weeks thinking the worst...I even had a nightmare that she fell! :(  Thank god all was OK and needless to say, she was well taken care of plus had a good time!  She sure missed us, but mainly I think she missed her bed and privacy. Although mom suffers from this disease, she still appreciates her quiet time and really needs to feel safe, my house is her safe haven because it's what she knows.  I left a huge 2 page to-do list for mom's sitters!  I think they all followed it pretty well, and for that I'm grateful.  My aunts would send me updates and pics of mom!  All said and done, I feel blessed to have gotten a piece of family time in there.  It's very difficult caring for loved ones with sicknesses and disabilities because sometimes the family suffers emotionally and have read horrible statistics of caregivers suffering the most, loosing their sense of self and spiraling into depression.  Please read more by clicking here ---> Caregivers Health 

Blogging is my connection to the outside world and writing my experiences down has helped me feel not so alone in my journey in caring for mom.  You all reading my blogs and facebook updates means a lot to me, because I feel that these thoughts dancing inside of my head are somehow serving as tools to some of you who might not be familiar with Dementia, so in a way I feel that I'm bringing awareness to the disease and helping others and that's the goal.  Thank you for reading and please continue to share my blog with others!  It's deeply appreciated.

Sincerely,

EV :)

You are what you eat

Steel Cut oats almond milk organic strawberries chia and flax seed

GMO's (Genetically Modified Organisms) and other Chemicals in food cause brain plaque which leads to mood swings and memory loss. If you're feeling signs of depression, you might want to check your diet for GMO's. I also try to stay away from certain grocery store brands that rely on Monsanto for their ingredients, Monsanto is a conglomerate agricultural biotechnology corporation that uses heavy amounts of pesticides, chemicals and GMO's in their products, their primary platform would be corn, corn oil, and soybean oil which 85% of grocery store shelf products rely on. Here is a list of brands that rely on Monsanto to produce their products:

Grocery Store brands that rely on Monsanto

Because of these facts, I've altered mom's diet with mainly natural and organic foods. I'd say at least 90% of her diet is from real foods like protein and veggies. I also give mom Almond milk for calcium and organic bran/oatmeal because she's at a very low weight, and those complex carbs help her have a little meat on her bones as does brown rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes. I also cook using coconut oil and grape seed oil. (Look up the benefits).  
I'm not perfect, sometimes we eat fun junk food like nachos, cheeseburgers, but they come from my kitchen and I use grassfed beef because 1, it tastes better and 2, grassfed beef has a lot of health benefits with an increased source of iron plus the most important being it has no GMO's Benefits of Grassfed Beef .  Observe your diet, see what you eat the most of and buy the best. For example, if you eat chicken daily - buy organic chicken. If you eat salads daily, buy organic greens. Shop your local Farmer's Markets first. If you're reading this and you're from the valley, Mcallen, Brownsville, Mission, Weslaco and South Padre Island all have some sort of local growers/farmers markets. Call your local Chambers, and or libraries to find out where your local market is!

It can take years to cleanse your body and gut of the harmful toxins you've been ingesting over a long period of time. There are a lot of natural ways to cleanse your system, such as juicing organic greens/veggies/fruit, doing yoga, and drinking water daily.

I do yoga with mom 3 times a week, and after every session, she has energy and wants to continue moving so she usually sweeps the kitchen and house. No, none of these things I'm doing will heal my mom or any dementia patient, but it will give them longevity and clear their minds at times and most importantly give them energy! All movement helps their circulatory system; you don't want your parents sitting in bed all day with zero exercise, they will form blood clots and will lose all muscle. Mom has lost muscle, which is why she has dropped weight. There is only so much strength training she is able to do, so she will never get that muscle back; so sad. Mom used to be a marathon runner, and biker, also did triathlons - she was very very athletic and at her age developed "Runners Feet" and arthritis in her feet which can be painful for her at times, so even walking can tire her out!

it's important to provide quality of life to our aging parents whether they are sick or not, they are still alive and they still feel - it's up to us to care for them and make the rest of their lives as comfortable as we can. It can be a very stressful situation and like us, will have to sacrifice a lot of time, as mentioned before I resigned from work to care for and be with my mother full time because it takes 24 hours of real care and overseeing. I oversee mom 24 hours a day and care for her about 15 hours, and spend real daughter/mother time around 1 hour a day. Groom and shower her, read to her, clean her room and laundry, shop for her necessities, prepare all of her meals, I do it all with the help of my husband of course, but when mom's good and taken care of, I can then take time for myself and sit and read, swim or do yoga - go to a movie with my husband...anything. What good am I to my mom, family or myself if I don't take care of me? I mention this because changing the type of foods I've been preparing and eating has enabled me to drop 30 pounds. I don't follow any diet or exercise program, I just eat what I prepare and that includes steak, veggies, tacos, pancakes, salads - the thing is that it's all from my kitchen being made with real ingredients, no shortcuts! Also just daily exercise which is just yoga. I resigned in December 2012 and just a few days ago I weighed myself and saw that I've lost a total of 30 pounds. Imagine how much I can lose if I actually try to "lose weight". I think I'm too laxed for that though!

Good or Bad, I'm stuck with'er!

yoga and strength exercises with mamma

She has good days and bad days. I remember the bad days all too often because I dread them and don't want to deal with them.  It's hard on me because I go through it with her and there are no answers that satisfy her. it's a continuous circle of questions and accusations, it's just a continuous circle. I am more than familiar with mom's episodes, but each time I have to tell myself it's her disease, and like a continuous circle, I have to loop that phrase repeatedly so that mom can live a healthy, happy life and remember me as the calm centre of her mental chaos.
I can't believe that I am the thing that makes sense in her life...out of everything in this world, I am the one constant she has to rely on. Knowing this, I want to be as humorous and gentle as I can, but believe me, I'm also very honest and upfront with her; I can't sugar coat her life and I won't sugar coat mine.  It's the truth or nothing, I deal with things this way because we can only make a real reaction to something truthful...anything fictitious just slows me down - give me the truth or nothing.
So sometimes I end up telling it like it is, and mamma looks at me with her piercing eyes...sometimes with a true reaction, which is what I hope for from her!  Mom can scold me, yell at me, accuse me, but I don't care; (she never yells btw), but her disease makes her paranoid and constant accusations arise (poor mamma).  There are times when I take her words to heart, but learning more and more about the disease I have to remember that her brain is on constant struggle and in a way, she is making her own reality which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't involve her being fearful and anxious, but it does so I have to find ways to either go with it or deter her from her thoughts.  If it's something not so serious, I will go along with it because if I argue with her, she will end up even more confused since she REALLY BELIEVES the stories she's conjuring.  And this is when I take in a big deep breath and smile, and say mom, I love you...lets do some stretching!

And most of the time - it works.   Yoga has healthy neurological benefits; doing yoga releases harmful toxins in the body and releases serotonin which helps battle depression.

Today I gave to myself

Today I gave to myself.  Making pancakes has been a favorite breakfast pastime of mine as of recent.  I enjoy making different combinations of pancakes, they are all delicious and so fun to experiment with.  I enjoy cooking and what I love about it is the way a few simple ingredients can come together and make something so tasty! I prefer using fresh everything...the fresher, the better. I use real butter over margarine, I use coconut oil over vegetable oil, I use grassfed meats over regular meats, I use sea salt over Iodized table salt and I try to use local veggies, if not I opt for the organic store bought ones.  It's easier cooking using fresh, quality ingredients because if all else fails, put salt/pepper, cook, eat and it will be good!

Well, like I said...today I gave to myself.  I made pancakes for everyone, and spent time in my bedroom going through books, and picking 2 to read and finish.  I have a hard time sticking to one book, so I give myself 2 to read at a time.  Aside from reading, I lit candles, did some yoga and made fresh grape juice using organic locals - so cleansing!  Yoga, books, food, candles...oh my!  I feel relaxed, especially since it began pouring rain, blessed.

I had to give myself today because I've had a very tiresome week.  Mom has been ok, but caring for your parent is a mind game.  I wake her up, I fix her meals, I help her shower, I groom her, I do her laundry, I do everything for her as you would a child, as I did for mine, but caring for a child as a family unit with my husband vs. caring for my mother is a different thing because she's an adult who should be independent and self-sufficient, right? But it's not the case here, or with many others.  It's something out of my hands, I didn't ask for this, I didn't willingly volunteer, it was bestowed upon me by nature and I accepted because she's my mother and I love her. I can't go against nature.

I spent yesterday crying in the shower because the day kicked my ass.  Washing mom's hair, and shaving her legs...grooming her all together is a lot to take in. It's hard.  This situation is hard, and I cry, and I stop crying.  I listen to music and I do yoga, I read and cook, I love my family and spend time with them.  I do everything I can do to keep my mental clarity.  You see me, I look relaxed and at peace; I am, but I'm also coping just like anyone else.  I can't help if I have a positive outlook on things and don't get depressed; I just don't.  I'm not a depressed person, I'm quiet, but not sad.  I'm not sad, it's just hard.  It's the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with and live with.  If you see me, or run into me I probably won't ever looked depressed because I'm not depressed, I get the feeling some people want to see a "sad me" they want to see me in tears, or wallowing, they want to hear me complaining, but there's nothing to complain about; I'm happy!  I get myself through, my family gets me through because I love them and never want to live a life of "poor me". I don't need or want sympathy; it's my mom who's sick and not me.
I just need those who know me to understand that  sitting in a cafe or having lunch at the most delicious places sounds nice, but not priority, I no longer think about social events that involve trivial things.  My mind is not focused on trivial things, it is focused on sustaining my mother's health, my family's well being, and my sanity.  I don't have time for giggles and gossip because I'm busy living and the well being of my mother rests in my hands.  I know this is a lot to put on myself, but it's true...there is NO ONE else out there for her.

I can do this. It's almost been 3 years since mom has moved in, over a year since her diagnosis and 8 months since I resigned from my job.  I want to live a selfless life and learn from this experience, I want to grow as a humanitarian and always do for others.  Doing for others is fulfilling.

Trust me, I don't ignore myself, my needs, whatever...I've just come to a point in life where I realized that I don't need much to be happy and that helping people (even if it is MY mom) is self-gratifying.  I do what I can, I tell her that I need time too; I tell her that it's not all about her, I tell her to chill out and breathe when she feels anxious.  She has good days, bad days, and horrible days.  A REALLY good day is far and few in between, so I have to take her good moments and stop what I'm doing to enjoy the life left inside of her.

I can do this.

A breath of fresh air...

Mom is sitting on the far right, I'm on her left

On the 4th of July we spent a lot of time with various family members.  For lunch, one of my cousins and her family came over for a visit.  Mom recognized my cousin, but could not remember her name. (This is typical). Mom sat and had lunch with us, and chimed in when we talked. (I do my best to keep her in my conversations with others without going too off of the subject, it can get difficult).

After lunch and dessert, my cousin and I sat on the back porch to watch her daughter swim in the pool. We were outside for about half an hour before mom walked out, wanting to join us and sit with us.

Now, you might not see this as a big deal, but please know that my mom has NEVER once gone outside on her own, even when asked to sit out on the porch, mom usually shows disinterest and a little fear (She's been like this since about a year after her initial diagnosis).  I don't know what exactly triggered her wanting to join us, but she did and it was very nice sitting with her and enjoying her company in the cool breeze - it was nice knowing the sunshine was shinning on mom.

It's been a few days since July 4th, and I sit outside every single day - always inviting mom to come out for some fresh air...she hasn't accepted the invitation yet.  She may never want to sit outside on the porch with me ever again, I do not know and I can't force her to do certain things that scare her or make her uncomfortable, so that moment is an everlasting one that I will never forget. I'm happy that my husband even saw that moment as groundbreaking and took a picture from inside of our home to capture it.  I'll always treasure this photo and memory whether or not mom ever decides to join me outside on the porch again because I will know that during that moment, at that particular time mom felt no fear and possibly "normal".

Love you mom!  Always and forever!

EV

A Shared Memory.

"I see a towel in a mirror and myself running through a house of windows"  My mother says.

I can't decipher these words, they are random and said in a soft whisper.  I encourage mom to speak louder and asked her to repeat what she said.  She can't.  I ask mom if she had a dream, or was she experiencing pieces of memories.

A lot of times, mom can't complete a memory, just as she can't complete a sentence.  Mom often has trouble searching for words and order.  Few times can she coherently express herself, other times it's almost mumble.

When a dementia patient is sleeping more than usual, it's because their brain function is working hard and their brains are trying hard to comprehend things, trying to make sense of things, trying to complete sentences and place thoughts/memories together. Their brains get exhausted, constantly "trying" yet never completing even a mere sentence. Mom is tired - she needs sleep.

Mom has something on her mind that she wants to share with me, and I'm standing there as if I'm playing a game of context clues. In her choppy sentences, and mis-tensed words, I find myself understanding mom.  Today mom shared a memory with me, it wasn't a happy memory, but a memory none-the-less, and although it's common for Dementia patients to remember people, places, and or events pre-diagnosis, it's not often that mom shares them with me, so I have to dig a little.  I want to know if mom was ever hurt by someone and so I question her and pry.  Mom is open with me, and doesn't want to sit - so we stand in her bedroom, face face conversing an old memory, when told started in the cotton fields...

I need to know mom's past to know if what she is experiencing now foreshadows past experiences. I want to help mom if in case she has ever gone through emotional trauma, but picking her brain is like picking a scab.

The light is on, but...

A lot of people ask me what Dementia is, and I usually quote pieces of text-book definitions, but I also try to explain what it's like from my perspective.  I find myself describing what mom is going through using this comparison: Imagine turning on a light switch, and the bulb is constantly flickering.  It's on, dull, bright at times...muted.  Well, that's the best way I can describe what mom's brain is experiencing.  It's not a beautiful thing, it's not illuminating...it's cloudy and blurred. If I have patience I can strain my eyes and focus and see the tenderness in her...the brightness, but mostly she's humdrum.

I try not to make her disease affect my liveliness because I want to be a strong, caring nucleus for my family, but because she's my mother her pain and confusion is often put on me because I am no longer my mother's daughter...mom now looks to me as a mother-figure or parent; she seeks my permission and approval for some things. I can't leave mom alone, I need a sitter and I don't have a sitter.  I can't always, and to be honest don't always want to take mom along with me to run errands, or to go shopping, or to pick something up, because a small outing becomes a cluster-fuck for mom, and I'm not over exaggerating.  During an outing mom can forget where she is, can forget who I am and wonder where we're going and wonder where "I'm taking her" then a fun time, or just a simple time becomes a mind fuck for me. Not to mention mom has trouble walking, and getting in/out of vehicles.  Mom has arthritis in her feet and also has "Runners Feet" so walking has to be limited.  If I take mom somewhere with me, it is pre-planned.  There is no just getting up and going, it's a process.

That's enough for tonight, I have a lot on my mind and instead of continuing to write, I'm going to do some yoga.

Night All.

EV

How's my mom? Just Google Dementia...

There's a "meme" floating around facebook that says something like "Cancer patients only have one wish and that's to kick cancer's butt"  <--- I can't stress how much I hate that meme.  It's insinuating that anything I wish for is inferior to what a cancer patient might wish.  First off, a wish is a fictitious thing that only exist in fairy tales, Second, my mother who's suffering through Dementia can't even comprehend what a wish is and wouldn't know how to begin to make a wish to "kick Dementia's butt, however any wish for my mother would have to be a wish made by me", Third, there is no "kicking Dementia's butt" because there is absolutely no cure.

I have had family die from Cancer, I understand the pain it also brings, but my point is this: No one talks about the pain that Dementia and Alzheimer's brings; it's a silent disease, it's a scary disease that people don't understand.  Your mind along with your body and all its functions are rapidly deteriorating to ultimately reach death. A person with Dementia is not going "crazy" because there is not enough brain function to cast them as "crazy".  A person with dementia struggles to complete a sentence and  never quite does, a person with dementia one day trusts you and the next, sees you as the enemy.
A person with Dementia needs to be told when to shower, change clothes, brush their teeth, eat their meals, and or needs all of these things done for them.  Ultimately a person with Dementia may (and often do) forgets how to use a fork, forgets how to chew, forgets how to properly use the bathroom.  I hate talking about these things because it hurts and scares me.  I don't think this if fitting conversation.  Nothing about a Dementia patient is fitting conversation because it's depressing seeing and knowing that a family member, my own mom is going through these things! Yet when someone asks "how's your mom" wtf am I supposed to say?
 Do you really truly care to know how my mom is...then shut up and  Google Dementia because I don't think you really want to hear this at a grocery store, while you're eating birthday cake at a party, or via text. You don't want to know because it's too awkward for you and in my opinion is one of the shittiest, rudest questions to ask me, or any caregiver because you are forcing me to talk about a very sensitive matter in a public situation surrounded by people I may or may not even know. You ask how my mom is, I just give you my go-to answer: She's ok, every day is a different day".  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind explaining to people what Dementia is, but you have to realize, although my life revolves around my mother's well-being, doesn't mean that it's always a good topic of conversation for me to just jump into at any point just because you asked me.

Of course I'm not referring to everyone when I say this, I do have a couple of very close friends who I share things with  and well, my brothers and sister too, but I want the fair-weathered friend to stfu if they see me in public. I'm not trying to be rude here, but you have to see the awkwardness in this situation and you have to realize that if I'm actually out of my house in public, it's a break for me being away from my duties as a caregiver and maybe I don't want to discuss this with you.

What's mine is yours...

Here's mom on a good day! Peace!

Moving mom in was an easy decision; I mentioned it to my husband and we talked it over, within hours my mother was moved into our home and a part of my family.  Mom left my dad about 20 years ago and got remarried, her husband left her and so she was living alone at the time; mom had just lost her job and was being sued through a local business she ventured into so needless to say, her life was turned upside down which lead to the deep depression and anxiety.  I had never seen mom depressed or anyone with anxiety levels that high; we all talked about how she just needed time to heal and come out of depression, but deep down inside (as I previously mentioned in another blog post) I knew my mother had dementia.

Mom felt unwelcome in my home for about a 6 months, it was so f&*#ing frustrating to me because we did all we could to make her comfortable, we had just turned our extra room into an entertainment room, but rearranged things to make it mom's room now that she had moved in. Mom would continually ask my permission to do things...Can I put more clothes in my closet, can I use the bathroom, is it ok if I get water?  Yes yes and yes!!! Finally, my husband and I sat down with her and told her that she was a part of our family now.  Our house is your home; what's mine is yours.

My husband  and son have been life-savers through this entire process;  they are a big help and very respectful towards mom and her condition. When new people come over to visit, including my son's friends we have to inform them on mom's condition.  "Sometimes mom will just approach you and say something out of the blue", "Sometimes mom might look at you as if you're the enemy because she doesn't know who you are or why you are here", "Mom has a disease, she's sick and her mind is affected"  We say all those things and more.  They are all true, but there are times where I don't want to get into full detail because people aren't familiar with this disease and as much as it scares them, it hurts me just as much.

 What I don't tell them is "Mom is thinking you are here to take her away, Mom is looking at you like that because she thinks you want to kill her, Mom can't answer back because her mind is deteriorating and right now her brain is trying to put a million pieces to a puzzle together, and is searching for words that make sense...sometimes they don't, so it will come out as babble".   Those things are also true.

We always want mom to feel comfortable as if this is her own home and thankfully it's gotten to that, but she has her days!

Like I told mom...what's mine is yours, but not until recently have I also realized that what's hers is also mine.  I've inherited her struggles and her lack of being able to start, and or finish daily tasks.  I've inherited her anxiety in some situations, and the grief.  As a healthy person sound in mind and body, I've looked for ways to separate those things from my life to view them as responsibilities instead of anxieties.  It's a work in progress and again...stressing how much support I have from my husband and son makes me an all together happy person trying to do good in this world by participating in life's inevitable cycle by embracing the challenges that lie ahead.

There is no hurrying...

One day I remember getting mom dressed and making her breakfast.  I told mom to hurry up and eat so we can go to Target.  One thing you need to know about living with a Dementia patient is that there is no hurrying up.  Everything is a process.  Dressing mom, feeding mom, getting her to brush her teeth, turning on the water for her shower, cutting her food, fixing her hair.  Everything you'd do for a baby, be prepared to do for a Dementia patient.  Different stages require different care, but just know that there is no such thing as "hurry up".  The more I rush mom, the more confused she gets, even to the point of forgetting where she's at. I know that if I plan on going somewhere and taking mom with me, I better give myself 2 hours to prepare her. I want her to feel as safe and comfortable as possible when we leave the house, so preparing her and talking to her about what we will be doing is something I've learned to do before heading out otherwise, it will be an even more difficult task answering her questions of confusion, wonderment and sometimes fear.

Like I did when my son was a child, I do for mom.  I pack mom a bag with a snack, a drink, and bring her medication just in case.  I always make sure mom has tissue or a napkin, she likes to hold on  to something like a child sometimes holds a blanket or stuffed animal.  She needs security.

Patience is a big thing for caregivers, I can't express this enough; I'm faced with daily dilemmas and circumstances where breathing exercises and understanding are much needed; caring for mom has blessed me with patience...it's the most difficult task to master. I applaud those who utilize patience in their jobs and lives day to day.  It's not god-given...it's a choice when made needs to be practiced and may never meet perfection.

Mom has Vascular Dementia?

When I first found out mom had Dementia I didn't cry.  I wasn't worried, I wasn't in dismay...I just kept going to work and taking care of my family.  I treated mom as if she was a room mate living in my house.  I made up chores to keep her busy, she helped me prepare dinner and she was my shopping buddy.  It wasn't until I opened my eyes that  I realized that mom was a danger to herself.  Some days I'd come home for my lunch hour the stove would be on, or the kitchen faucet would be running with mom asleep in her room.

I didn't know what to think, mom was still young!  Months before she moved in with me she was biking miles and running races; she was physically active, fit, lived on her own, cooked her own meals, had friends and managed her own finances.

Little did I realize that mom's responsibilities would eventually turn into my responsibilities.  Little by little her ability to pay bills, or do anything at all just dwindled.  Mom could no longer cook a meal, she couldn't do a load of laundry or write a letter and mail it out if she needed. Mom carried a blankness in her eyes and a causticness in her soul; I was worried for her.

As her oldest daughter I felt the need to find her help.  With no help available, I had make a decision to leave my job and act as her caregiver so knowing there was no other option, I resigned from a job that I both needed and wanted.  I said goodbye to a salary, to years of hard work and independence.

After realizing I was leaving my job to care for my mother full-time, reality set in along with the tears, but never on anyone's shoulder; it was a lonely cry, a bitter coldness; I felt alone. I cried behind closed doors, at my desk, in my car; I constantly cried when I was alone, it was my only comfort;  I cried when someone asked me why I was leaving my job, or what was wrong with my mother.  I tried not to cry, but at this point it was uncontrollable, especially knowing that there is no cure for dementia.

It's been 7 months since I've left my job, and there has been a lot of changes from day 1 to now.  Doctors had mom on several medications and dealing with the side effects was a scary thing!  Delusions are not fun, I describe them as day terrors.  I thought these imaginary happenings and people mom was dealing with and experiencing were all a part of the mental deterioration of her disease, but after researching the meds, it turned out to be side effects and since then has been under control for the most part. Thank god!

I said good bye to a lot of things, and day to day am realizing just how much I've said goodbye to. In the big picture it's all been worth it although I still cry on some days, but sadly not realizing why I'm crying.  Am I crying because my mother is completely dependent on me, am I crying because mom has limited time and I'm dreading the last stages of her disease, and I crying out of fear, and loneliness?  I don't know, but there are some moments when crying is my only gateway to a clear mind so I just let myself. Shedding a few tears is worth the quality of life she has been given by my family.  Where would I be without them?

Smile Momma!  I love you!

Is anybody out there...

from L to R: Mom, Me, Sis and my brother's daughter (my niece)

Hello anyone out there.  If you're reading this, you'd probably like to know a little bit about me.  My name is Evana and I'm from deep South Texas. I'm in my 30's and I have a wonderful family.  I live about 30 miles from the Mexican border, so my city is what you'd call a melting pot of customs, cuisine, people and cultures.  Although near the border of Mexico, my region's claim for fame is citrus and our Rio Grande River, but the coolest thing about where I'm from is our invention of the Botana! A botana is a platter of fried corn tortilla chips piled high with re-fried beans, cheese, fajitas, guacamole and other delicious items (sort of like nachos).   I live in one of the most obese areas in the United States, and this is probably why!  Most of the food down here is deep fried loaded with sodium, although known for citrus, it's slowly dying off and attention has been placed on fast food chains, corporate restaurants and little attention on healthy food, parks and sidewalks.

Aside from this blog, I also manage a facebook page  titled "Life with Mom" My Life with Mom Facebook page  that I started just a few months ago.  I thought it was a good idea to journal some of my experiences as a caregiver and help create awareness for the disease and that is the main point of my blog; caring for my mother with Dementia.  About 3 years ago, my mother went through severe depression and I moved her in with me in fear that she was not eating and taking care of herself.  During that time, I was working a full time job as an Arts Coordinator for the City. After a year of living with me, doctor's diagnosed her with Vascular Dementia and I decided to resign to stay home and help  mom. Most people when they hear "Dementia" they think that it's a disease in which the patient "forgets".  Although that is true, it's only a very small piece of the disease in its entirety.  It's one of the saddest, darkest things I've ever experienced.

First, in my own words I will tell you what Vascular Dementia is: a series of mini-strokes detected from the brain, causing an anurism which leads to a blood clot that ultimately resulted in lack of oxygen causing damage to the brain. 

You can read more about VD here: Click Here to read more on Vascular Dementia. My mother's mother had Dementia, so when I moved my mother in with me, I had a feeling that she was suffering from early stages of the disease, sure enough I was right.  My mother was 64 when she was first diagnosed; she's now 66 and slowly deteriorating both physically and mentally.  My mother although the same person on the inside, is a different person. She still knows me and my family by name, but has problems remembering her other children that she doesn't see as often.  Mom went from running marathons to having trouble getting out of bed on her own.  There are good and bad days, so it's hard to sum up the past few years in a paragraph, especially since I'd rather deal with her condition day to day and not think of it as long term.

In this blog, I'd like to touch on how it is dealing with the disease from my point of view,plus also examine exercise, diet, and other things.  Vascular Dementia is a silent disease that people don't talk about; it's hard having a close family member suffering and living with the disease as it changes. Taking them out becomes a difficult task so planning daily activities to do at home is a must!   Most caregivers think they are alone, and on some levels, they truly are unless they speak out; I don't want to be alone.

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